so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
