Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
