Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
