I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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