i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
