Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
