How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
