My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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