he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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