Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
