We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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