mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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