I smell stomach acid.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
