I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
