What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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