why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
