i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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