just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
