Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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