it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
