Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
