you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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