I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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