Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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