I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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