So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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