If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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