I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
