my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
