Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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