Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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