The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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