Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
