i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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