she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize