im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
