one might say we're banned from that church
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
