Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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