At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
