so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
