i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
