i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
