Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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