he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
