where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
