C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just tell him i said nine months
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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