is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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