I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
