Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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