The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
