You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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