I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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