everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
