Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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