i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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