When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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