would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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