i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
