and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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