I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
