it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
FUCK WHALES
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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