Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your penis caused this!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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