Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
