Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
