Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Found the puke drawer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
