I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
