omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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